Discussion Questions

Questions about experiences 

1.  Mary K. wakes up in the hospital without knowing exactly where she is or what has happened. She describes the experience as “There was the me who was the person I had always been, and there was the me who was the person in this bed.” How does she handle this feeling? Have you had a pivotal moment that seems to divide your life into parts? How did you deal with it?

2.  Mary K. makes a list of three things: “First, and most important, I would not let myself be deterred from finding purpose and happiness. Second, I would not drive away the people I love by becoming someone drowning in self-pity. I had known some complainers who nobody wanted to be around. I wouldn’t become like them, even though I might have a lot to complain about. Third, I would not allow myself to dwell on the things I couldn’t do but would find the things that I could do and focus on them.”  Her decision at that point shapes her life. What do you think of the list she made? What would your list look like?

3.  At Craig Hospital, Mary K. learns how to navigate her new life. What are the pros and cons she experiences?

4. As a student, Mary K. didn’t take her studies seriously. Later she says, “Now I realized that what I had learned and what I could do with my brain and my memory were the only things that hadn’t been taken from me. Education gained a new significance, and I wanted to make sure none of the kids took it for granted.” How is this realization reflected in her actions? How would you describe your attitude toward education and learning? How is that reflected in your life?

5.  Mary K. says she focuses on what she can do, and she makes a list of what she is still capable of. This list forms the foundation of her actions. What would your list look like?

6.  People react to Mary K. in her wheelchair in predictable ways. How do other people’s reactions affect her? How does that change over time? What did you learn about how to treat people with disabilities from this book?

7.  Her relationships form a central part of Mary K’s life. What are some of the important relationships she has? What do those relationships mean to her? How does she work to sustain those relationships? What relationships are indispensable in your life? What do you do to sustain them?

8.  Laughter is central to Mary K.’s life and relationships. How does she incorporate humor into everyday life? How might you use this as a model for your own life?

9.  Mary K. says, “If you’re bored, it’s because you’re boring.” Is she correct? How does she keep her life from being boring?

Questions for introspection

10. Mary K. was raised with a belief system that helped her overcome her own trauma and help others. What are those beliefs and values? How do they compare to yours?

11.  What was your reaction to the doctors telling her that she would be better off not getting married? Why do you think they were so frank with her about her future?

12.  Her childhood set the foundation for how she dealt with difficulties. What particular aspects of her upbringing do you think contributed to her success in life?

13.  In high school and college, Mary K. becomes a leader, but her main goal is to lead her friends to fun. Why is this important later in her life?

14.  The title of the memoir, What I Can Do, has different interpretations depending on what word you emphasize. What are the different ways you can explain it?

15. One simple request to the nun who visited Mary K. after she returned from rehab changed her life. She said, “If there’s ever any volunteer work I could do on the phone, like contacting potential volunteers, you let me know.” How did this set the course of her life? It led to her volunteering at God’s Kitchen. What do you think of her experiences and actions there?

16.  Mary K. has some major accomplishments, but she also does small things that have ramifications throughout her life. What are some of those things, and how do they affect her and those around her?

17.  Every morning when Mary K. wakes up, she says she is immediately reminded of the fact that she is paralyzed and then she experiences gratitude for being alive and for all the day will bring. How does her experience affect the way she approaches life?

18.  Mary K. discusses her beliefs about marriage and how she and Jeff have sustained a happy marriage in spite of the difficulties they face. What did you learn from this?

19  What does Mary K.’s life demonstrate about how people are interconnected and have to be able to help each other?

20.  Mary K. experiences other sorrows and problems in life. How does she manage these? What can you learn from her actions?

21.  She describes herself as the Queen of Patience and the Queen of Frustration. How are those roles exhibited in her life? What can you learn from them?

22.  Her spiritual life is important to Mary K. Prayer and mediation are central to her ability to manage her life. What specific elements of her religious and spiritual life stood out to you?

23.  The ability to control what she thinks about and how she views her life is foundational to Mary K.’s ability to face her injuries and move forward. What did you learn about the power of attitude from her story? How can you apply it to your life?

24.  Hope is a central element in Mary K.’s life. In what ways is this evident from her story?

Questions about disability

25.  Mary K.’s expectations for her wedding, marriage, and family life prior to her injuries were different from the life she built. How does she navigate those differences?

26.  Her attendants are her whole life, and Mary K. says she wouldn’t have a life without them. In what ways do her attendants make her life possible? What does Mary K. do to build relationships with her attendants?

27.  Mary K. has to ask for everything. How does this affect her life? What can you learn about asking for help from her experiences?

28.  Adaptive technology plays an important role in Mary K.’s life. What did you learn about how a person with disabilities must do to build a life that is as “normal” as possible?

Questions about childhood hunger

29.  When Mary K. hears the story from MaryAnn Prisichenko about the little girl who was looking through trash to find food, she can’t stop thinking about it. Both women are committed to changing the lives of kids. What specific skills did Mary K. have that allowed her to build an organization to address this dire need?

30.  What aspects of the organization, Kids’ Food Basket, and how it was built up impressed you most?

31.  Childhood hunger is a significant issue in our communities. What did you learn about childhood hunger?

32.  Kids’ Food Basket started as a small organization serving 125 children in three schools. Mary K. set the foundation for this, but she says Bridget, the volunteers and the staff built this organization. How does her ability to delegate and work with others set the course for success?